Come and see me 2-6PM at Martin Keehn – 53 Ludlow St – DJing for Make Music Day NYC!
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What in the world pride?…
I got all jazzed up when The Lady Bunbun alerted me that I might be receiving an invitation to DJ in “The Gay Day “don’t call it a parade it’s a march” Parade on a big, loud, mylar covered corporate float and that I should be watching my inbox carefully. Status on that: Nothin’ yet. I have a few other DJ “gigs I mean appearances” during Pride “I mean World Pride” month though. I will be Dee-Jaying in front of Martin Keehn’s still brand new shop for New York City’s Make Music Day on June 21st from 2:00 to 6:00 PM and that is a wheelchair accessible location so no excuses this time, people. You can roll your ride right down to Ludlow Street and give a little handbrake boogie in celebration of this nationwide musical day that I personally had never heard of until now but am so glad to pretend that I have known about for years. I am bringing the curdless mic so get ready for some antics, shut in shout outs and very important parking restriction announcements.
¡MUSICA MAMA! ¡GOZA!….¡AZUUUUUUCAR! Sxcuse me a minute, I have to check my email…nope. Nada Gay Parade Email aqui yet.
Won’t you join us for the sake of the music itself and if not for that then FOR THE SAKE OF THE ENTIRE WORLD which as we all know is made to go ’round by music.
Now keep this on the low but…I heard Patti Labelle is going to be there…I don’t know if that’s true or not, and to tell you the truth I don’t think there is anyway in hell that Patti Labelle is going to be on Ludlow Street anytime soon BUT…..WHAT IF SHE IS???
I will see you there.
$350 – 3Bids – 3hrs left to bid!
Search “Artsy Billy Erb” to find the auction and bid!
Jimmy James Is Coming Back To NYC For One Show Next Saturday
The venue looks nice – The Green Room 42 – It’s inside the Yotel on 42nd St. CHECK IT OUT
See you there tonight!
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Lady Bunny’s New Crimped Wig
I’m so proud to have my photography be a part of an auction that is benefiting Visual AIDS. Edition number 1 of 10 is up for grabs! 13 days and counting for bids. people! CHECK IT OUT.
Bath House Beats 3 on Spotify
Hope you like ITALO. This is a playlist that is in progress – mostly mid ’80s. Steamy synthesized swish…clean towels and free water. The soundtrack that was the same no matter what city, what country or what continent you happened to be inhabiting that weekend. This is the international sound of gay disco. It plays through the mist that surrounds you now and from the cassette you will take back with you tomorrow. Alone in your premium priced privacy your key bracelet has locked the door and you are secure. Recline and listen hard. Resting and reflecting with eyes toward a ceiling, seeing what you are feeling, you are anywhere at once. You are feeling a new kind of big belonging. Then…
“Attention – Lockers fourteen, nineteen and thirty seven, you must renew. Fourteen, nineteen and thirty seven – you must renew now at the entrance desk.”
(pause)
“Attention, s’il vous plaît – Les casiers 14, 19 et 37 doivent être renouvelés Les casiers quatorze, dix-neuf et trente-sept doivent être remplacés au guichet.”
‘Ouch. That was way too loud.’ Time to take another lap and maybe bum a cigarette. “Wow, this music literally never ends.”
It’s Michael Shulman’s Birthday Tomorrow
DJ DMITRY – Dear DJ Diary (In The Mind’s Eye)
Preparing for Summer (part deux..or duh, depending upon your pronunciation…or perception)
Remember that with the arrival of the summer season come other dangers (in addition to the humiliation of wearing a bathing suit and showing your feet)
so don’t forget your sunscreen.
Cherishing
Unusual choices made to select people for significant positions in the world ; I’m not laughing, but I think the whole world is laughing at us.
You know dear readers, I keep hearing: “I can’t believe that Volodymyr Zelensky won the presidency in Ukraine!?! He has no political experience!!”
You know what I say? So what. He’s a wildly popular, very talented comedian, and apparently he’s extremely intelligent. The highly rated television show he recently starred in is a TV series in which he played a history teacher who is elected president after his rant about government corruption on social media goes viral.
(art imitating life, or is it the other way around?)
His primary comedy focus has been political satire. I think he sounds like the “Ukrainian Stephen Colbert”. He’s also a very financially successful media mogul, and by all accounts, a really decent person. It may seem funny to some people that he was elected president, but that doesn’t sound like such a terrible choice to me.
Also, don’t forget that Italy had the honourable Ilona Staller..aka “Cicciolina” the porn star politician.
Staller was presented as a candidate to the Italian parliament by the Lista del Sole, Italy’s very first Green Party. In 1985, she switched to the Partito Radicale, campaigning on a libertarian platform against nuclear energy. She was also a staunch political supporter for human rights. She was elected to the Italian Parliament in 1987. She served there until 1993. Whilst in office, and before the outset of the Gulf War, she offered to have sex with Iraqi leader Saddam Hussein in return for peace in the region. In 2004, she announced plans to run for mayor of Milan. Only two years before that campaign she renewed her offer to have sex with Saddam Hussein in October 2002, when Iraq was resisting international pressure to allow inspections for weapons of mass destruction. In April 2006, she made the same offer to Osama bin Laden in return for dismantling the Al Qaeda terrorist cells and surrendering himself to authorities. So okay she’s more than a bit “kooky”…maybe she’s a completely unorthodox eccentric, but gee her heart is certainly in the right place.
And then…WOW.. France had a LEGITIMATE Super Model as their First Lady!
First of all, Carla Bruni is an actual supermodel, as well as a successful singer/songwriter, and political activist. She is the third wife of former French President Nicolas Sarkosy.
According to Forbes magazine, she was ranked 35th in 2010 in the list of the most powerful women in the world. Committed to social issues, in 2009 she created the Carla Bruni-Sarkozy Foundation to promote access to culture, the arts and knowledge for all. As a guitarist and singer /songwriter she has sold well over five million albums worldwide.
Carla Bruni won the Victoire Award for Female Artist of the Year at the 2007 Victoires de la Musique. She has also had the following accolades bestowed upon her:
In France she received The Knight of the Ordre des Arts et des Lettres, 2003. She was also awarded the Grand Cross of the Order of Charles III, 2009 in Spain, and finally in Benin she was given The Grand Cross of the National Order of Merit, 2010. Pretty impressive, right? What she has achieved is not what most people would have expected from anyone..let alone..some fashion model.
What do we have?
UGHH.
We have an orange coloured, fat-arsed, narcissistic, compulsive lying, undeducted, ignorant imbecile, with an atrociously ridiculous comb-over. He has publicly mocked a disabled journalist. He has been accused of sexual assault by countless women. He has been married three times and cheated on all three of them. He’s admitted (on audio tape) of “pussy grabbing”…gross.. we all know the rest of that story. He also paid a porn star hush-money to shut her up about their trysts before his 2016 election.
(could somebody please explain to me why the far right evangelical fundamentalist Christians still think that he’s a good person?!?)
He’s been an over-rated reality television star. etc. etc. etc.
But the thing he lies about more than ANYTHING else is about him being this bigly “successful businessman”. He’s so successful that he’s been bankrupted six times. His list of bogus enterprises is a litany of spectacular, catastrophic, fiscal failures….
Trump Vodka.
Trump University.
Trump Steaks.
Trump Airlines.
Trump: The Game by Milton Bradley. (i didn’t make that one up either)
Trump Casinos.
Trump magazine.
Trump Mortgage Brokers
Trumps travel site.
Trumpnet; an idea for a Trump’s comms company.
Trump’s cologne brands:
“Success” by Trump, “Empire” by Trump, and “Donald Trump: The Fragrance”
Trump Tower Tampa.
The list goes on-and-on ad infinitum, and ad nauseam. If there’s one thing Trump is more sensitive about than his tiny orange coloured hands with their baby carrot fingers, it’s the actual amount of his net worth. As Hillary Clinton once quipped:
“He’s written a lot of books about business…but they all seem to end at Chapter 11.”
So yeah U.S.A… THIS is what WE have….
Who’s laughing now? Not me. I’d rather have an Intelligent witty comedian, a politically active porn star politician, or a real Supermodel/Singer/Songwriter/Musician. All three of those people would be an amazing change to the shit-show going on in the U.S.
(…and also who’s OUR First Lady again? Oh yeah, some D-list Eastern Block escort who plagiarises other people’s speeches)
Summer Readiness!
Spring is in the air!
(or is that just the smell of all the rotting piles of fish, fly covered duck parts, and the abundance of mushy, blackened, mouldy fruits and vegetables cascading out of the garbage bins on every corner of China Town after a long hot weekend?)
ANYWAY, I digress (yet again)… SPRING…or something…is in the air! And we all know what that means. There is something sinister lurking just after Labour Day…. SUMMER. It’s that dreaded perennial season that inflicts self loathing, acute body dysmorphia, and humiliation upon most of the population. Every year it’s just as reliable as when Puxasutawney Phil comes peeking out of his burrow. It’s just as predictable as October bringing us Halloween. And of course the arrival of Halloween means attending parties where once more you hear the reoccurring theme of everybody’s costume. The description of said theme is naturally:
“I’m a Sexy ______”
(you can fill in that above blank with anything from “kitten”, “nurse”, “pirate”, “baby”, “homeless man”, “burn victim” through to “cadaver”)
But..back to our topic…
Yes, SUMMER is coming. The season whose high temperatures, and societal expectations demand that we wear less coverings over our pale, flabby bodies. Those same bodies that have been safely camouflaged all through autumn and winter by cashmere sweaters, silk lined woollen trousers, fashionable boots, hand knitted scarves, glamorous drama coats (à la Çomme de Garçon) and a vast variety of garments created from beautiful tactile fabrics. (le sigh)
Summer, on the other hand is the season, that to me, demands that I wear clothing and bathing suits that exacerbate the genetic betrayal that is my legacy.
I know a lot of people say: “You should just join a gym and start working out! You’ll get such a high from it!”, or “Take a Spin Class, it’s so much fun!”, and
“I’m on a really fun ______team, you should come and play with us!”
I have attempted all of those activities, and believe me when I tell you that I totally went at it half-heartedly, and gave it the best half-arsed effort that I kinda tried to muster. Going to the gym, and especially trying out a Spin Class made me completely anxious, self conscious and nauseous. Being around all those muscular, toned young people made me feel like a giant albino squid, thrown out of the ocean, and onto a beach. I was flopping about uncoordinated and exposed. All that my squid self desperately wanted to do was to find some way back into that ocean water again, and then squirt out a huge cloud of black ink in which to hide myself, and cower. In other words, as far as gyms? I’d rather wear fire as a hat.
After all of those experiences I have decided that I already get plenty of exercise from chain smoking, driving a stick-shift, wandering through the streets aimlessly every weekend, and lying in bed and complaining.
However, I did recently unearth a long forgotten ancient VHS tape!
(yes I DO do still own a VCR. I use it to view all of the old videos that I never got around to converting to DVD’s twenty years ago…and yes DVD’s still exist too. Not everything is on Netflix baby)
So this afore mentioned tape is an old eighties work-out tape was designed especially for men. I have been watching it and copying all the movements for weeks, but I am still not looking like any of the men on the tape. Then I realised that maybe the point isn’t looking like those men, but rather to just like looking at them.
Enjoy!
Disco Trek – The Universal Robot Band
When vinyl was the music, this track was a secret weapon of mine. Sister Dimension’s copy was handed down to me and I’ll tell you what – This track at the end of the night when the lights come up will get you a return booking. It’s the ultimate send off into the night for the drunks and still tripping party people. Actually this has to be the last track because nothing can ever be played after it.
This was me every night in my bedroom as a kid. Full flashlight fantasy festivals.
Why Liars Shouldn’t Lie Whilst Being Filmed And Recorded
“convenient, selective memory“
So… is he really that stupid? Or maybe he thinks that all of US are stupid? Could it be Dementia? Maybe it’s all three.
GEORGIE GIRL!!!
The Australian band, The Seekers, gave us a really upbeat, hopeful, and happy little 60’s folk-pop song.
….BUT, sometimes a really upbeat happy little 60’s folk-pop song needs some jazz hands, sequins, and PIZAZZ!
Ladies and gentlemen welcome to the stage; MITZI GAYNOR!!!
Let’s Get To Know Our New Contributor, Jason
Jason (blogospheric nom de plume “jaymayokay”) is an old (don’t say old) college chum of mine, a New York City ex-pat and a current resident of Australia. Here’s a short interview as introduction to you all, my concerned readers.
BB – Jason! Welcome to billybeyond.com We are so happy to add you to our roster of administrative contributing posters and Stay At Home Models! Firstly, is it really true that Southern Hemisphere Stay At Home Models turn in the opposite direction?
J – What an inspired question! Yes we absolutely do turn in the opposite direction. We also do other classic runway movements a little differently. We Southern Hemisphere gals also do split doubles, but we do them simultaneously whilst eating banana splits. Then as we reach the end of the pretend runway, we toss the empty bowls and spoons into our awestruck make-believe audience. As a finale´ we then actually DO the splits before our turns. Only then do we proceed back down the imaginary runway. (..and when I say “splits”..think Miss Tandi Dupree)
*additionally..here’s a little fun fact for our Northern Hemisphere Stay At Home modeling colleagues, and of course the innumerable fans…All of our aspirations, goals, and dreams for the future go swirling down the drain too….. BUT they swirl counterclockwise.
BB– Cute. Yes I do think Tandi when I think splits because it was actually me that posted that video to Youtube about a hundred years ago. I’m glad to see you’re keeping up…ummmm. Next question – If I were to facetime you, would you be upside down on my screen? I guess that’s technically a technical question but I’m wondering….hmmmm. Yeah.
J -That most certainly is a technical issue, and yes I would appear upside down. But just go to settings in your control center, and turn on your “Portrait Orientation Lock”. “Then what?” you might ask? Why, just simply hold your phone upside down as we FaceTime.
What’re we going to do with all this future?
BB – Good to know. This next question is one I ask everybody so I’m assuming that makes it appropriate.
Have you ever seen a UFO and if you have can please describe your experience for me?
J – Oh yes. I’ve seen thousands of Unidentified Frying Objects. I have no kitchen skills whatsoever, but I love a challenging recipe, and I’m always intoxicated, so I’m sure you can just imagine the ensuing fun. Oh the hilarity!
BB – Always, huh?…Good to know.
How important are unimportant blog posts to you?
a. Somewhat important
2. Important
III. Very important
d. Other (please explain)
J – Actually dull blog posts (much like any Kardashian) elicit feelings of blasé laissez-faire et ennui. N’est pas?
BB– Bien sûr, je ne pense pas qu’un dictionnaire sera nécessaire! – moving on. Favorite quote from Working Girl is….?
J – There IS only one quote.
BB – Interesting point of view…only one…like one God or one Universe…”there’s only one quote from Working Girl,” yet every word of it is quotable to fags like me….wow – that’s heavy. You’re deep. That’s good, we can use deep around here. Okay, Mister Jaymayokay, final question –
Is Easy On spray starch really that good?
J – See for yourself…
BB – Thank you and welcome ablog.
Thank-you so much for your amazing introduction Billy. I’m truly underwhelmed. It’s nearly a thrill to be joining you on this blogging adventure! I only hope that I can rise to the task, and contribute in a way that meets your exceptionally average standards!
I see new doors opening for all of us!
cute. uh huh. The intervew’s over, Jason. You can cool it with the gifs. Byeeeeeeeee
It’s Daffodil Time Again With Your DJ Billy Beyond
You may download a folder of these tracks directly from me HERE.
DAFFODIL TIME – With Your DJ Billy Beyond
Enjoy an hour of music from the late’20s/early ’30s most of which was recorded in the ’70s. There are quite a few original 78’s in there but when Nelson Riddle recreated the ’20s for The Great Gatsby in 1974 it sounded amazing – not necessarily authentic but clearer and with more dynamics and in stereo! Hellereo! Happy Spring to the right coasters and most of you fly overs. I love this musical vibe in the Springtime. You might too. You may also hate it. Listen and find out.
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