Flashcubes

Flashcubes were formerly flash “bulbs” which were occasionally known down South and around the trailer parks of Pennsyltucky as flash “bubs.” I have some, you bet I do and here’s your free tip about flashcubes if you’re using the Polaroid bigshot anytime soon – MAGICUBES. They’re better. They’re brighter. If you happen to be in front of one when it blasts get ready for a full minute of blue dot total blindness. Magicubes. Who makes ’em? Good question. Answer is nobody, idiot. They’re from the 60’s. Who used to make ’em? Sylvania, G.E. and Westinghouse mostly but Sylvania Magicubes are the only ones I trust and I tried ’em all. So remember now, Magicubes by Sylvania (like TRANSylvania but without the reassignment surgery.Now you’ll definitely remember.) Blue dots forever! You can close your eyes if you want to BUT IT DOESN”T GO AWAY!!!

Well gee uncle Billy, how do these magic cubes work?

Not magic cubes, kid. MAGICUBES. Two words in one – got it? Now put down your phone and I’ll tell you how they work and you’re going to be surprised because they actually have gun powder in them…like bullets…which kill people because of guns. Anyway, it’s like this….

The flashbulb is filled with combustible material (zirconium wool sealed under high pressure) and its base has a powder filled primer cap. When the shutter is released, a tiny hammer linked to the shutter release mechanism is actuated that strikes the base of the bulb setting off the charge in the primer. The primer in turn fires a flash charge that ignites the combustible mixture in the flashbulb producing flash of very high intensity.

Unusual choices made to select people for significant positions in the world ; I’m not laughing, but I think the whole world is laughing at us.

You know dear readers, I keep hearing: “I can’t believe that Volodymyr Zelensky won the presidency in Ukraine!?! He has no political experience!!”

You know what I say? So what. He’s a wildly popular, very talented comedian, and apparently he’s extremely intelligent. The highly rated television show he recently starred in is a TV series in which he played a history teacher who is elected president after his rant about government corruption on social media goes viral.

(art imitating life, or is it the other way around?)

His primary comedy focus has been political satire. I think he sounds like the “Ukrainian Stephen Colbert”. He’s also a very financially successful media mogul, and by all accounts, a really decent person. It may seem funny to some people that he was elected president, but that doesn’t sound like such a terrible choice to me.

Also, don’t forget that Italy had the honourable Ilona Staller..aka “Cicciolina” the porn star politician.

Staller was presented as a candidate to the Italian parliament by the Lista del Sole, Italy’s very first Green Party. In 1985, she switched to the Partito Radicale, campaigning on a libertarian platform against nuclear energy. She was also a staunch political supporter for human rights. She was elected to the Italian Parliament in 1987. She served there until 1993. Whilst in office, and before the outset of the Gulf War, she offered to have sex with Iraqi leader Saddam Hussein in return for peace in the region. In 2004, she announced plans to run for mayor of Milan. Only two years before that campaign she renewed her offer to have sex with Saddam Hussein in October 2002, when Iraq was resisting international pressure to allow inspections for weapons of mass destruction. In April 2006, she made the same offer to Osama bin Laden in return for dismantling the Al Qaeda terrorist cells and surrendering himself to authorities. So okay she’s more than a bit “kooky”…maybe she’s a completely unorthodox eccentric, but gee her heart is certainly in the right place.

And then…WOW.. France had a LEGITIMATE Super Model as their First Lady!

First of all, Carla Bruni is an actual supermodel, as well as a successful singer/songwriter, and political activist. She is the third wife of former French President Nicolas Sarkosy.

According to Forbes magazine, she was ranked 35th in 2010 in the list of the most powerful women in the world. Committed to social issues, in 2009 she created the Carla Bruni-Sarkozy Foundation to promote access to culture, the arts and knowledge for all. As a guitarist and singer /songwriter she has sold well over five million albums worldwide.

Carla Bruni won the Victoire Award for Female Artist of the Year at the 2007 Victoires de la Musique. She has also had the following accolades bestowed upon her:

In France she received The Knight of the Ordre des Arts et des Lettres, 2003. She was also awarded the Grand Cross of the Order of Charles III, 2009 in Spain, and finally in Benin she was given The Grand Cross of the National Order of Merit, 2010. Pretty impressive, right? What she has achieved is not what most people would have expected from anyone..let alone..some fashion model.

What do we have?

UGHH.

We have an orange coloured, fat-arsed, narcissistic, compulsive lying, undeducted, ignorant imbecile, with an atrociously ridiculous comb-over. He has publicly mocked a disabled journalist. He has been accused of sexual assault by countless women. He has been married three times and cheated on all three of them. He’s admitted (on audio tape) of “pussy grabbing”…gross.. we all know the rest of that story. He also paid a porn star hush-money to shut her up about their trysts before his 2016 election.

(could somebody please explain to me why the far right evangelical fundamentalist Christians still think that he’s a good person?!?)

He’s been an over-rated reality television star. etc. etc. etc.

But the thing he lies about more than ANYTHING else is about him being this bigly “successful businessman”. He’s so successful that he’s been bankrupted six times. His list of bogus enterprises is a litany of spectacular, catastrophic, fiscal failures….

Trump Vodka.

Trump University.

Trump Steaks.

Trump Airlines.

Trump: The Game by Milton Bradley. (i didn’t make that one up either)

Trump Casinos.

Trump magazine.

Trump Mortgage Brokers

Trumps travel site.

Trumpnet; an idea for a Trump’s comms company.

Trump’s cologne brands: 

“Success” by Trump, “Empire” by Trump, and “Donald Trump: The Fragrance”

Trump Tower Tampa.

The list goes on-and-on ad infinitum, and ad nauseam. If there’s one thing Trump is more sensitive about than his tiny orange coloured hands with their baby carrot fingers, it’s the actual amount of his net worth. As Hillary Clinton once quipped:

“He’s written a lot of books about business…but they all seem to end at Chapter 11.”

So yeah U.S.A… THIS is what WE have….

Who’s laughing now? Not me. I’d rather have an Intelligent witty comedian, a politically active porn star politician, or a real Supermodel/Singer/Songwriter/Musician. All three of those people would be an amazing change to the shit-show going on in the U.S.

(…and also who’s OUR First Lady again? Oh yeah, some D-list Eastern Block escort who plagiarises other people’s speeches)

The Fine Art of Portrait Tattooing

I think that it’s really important to try out new ways of expressing oneself artistically. I feel as though it enriches the soul to endeavour new types of artistic medium to manifest one’s effusion towards life. There are so many options. Whether it’s macramé, interpretive modern dance, joining your local mummenschanz troupe… the possibilities are quite simply ENDLESS. I’ve decided that since I’m very minimally adept at figurative drawing and painting; and exceptionally, deeply, and distinctively bereft talent wise. (especially pertaining to portraiture representations of human beings), I made the completely ridiculous choice that I should try my hand at the beautiful art of Portrait Tattooing. I mean, it only makes sense right?My first thought was which person out of all the people in the world… who’s likeness shall I choose to portray? The second thought was from which group of people would I select to be the person (or persons) to BE my living canvases? In selecting a subject I decided that whomever I selected should be noteworthy. I have seen Portrait Tattoos depicting random ugly babies, unattractive spouses or deceased loved ones…but then I thought; who really cares? Those tattoos are of nobodies. I mean, those kinds of subjects would definitely have had some kind of significance to the people who chose to place them upon themselves..but from the general public’s viewpoint? They have zero meaning. I thought that the concept of having some random celebrity… (whom you have never known or ever even met) …having that celebrity’s image permanently displayed forever on your body would be so much better! So what dead person of infinite beauty, and of course, easily recognisable to everyone should I choose? Why Marilyn Monroe of course! Her iconic image permeates our society even after her death fifty eight years ago. I doubt that there are any people on this planet who are as famous and recognisable. So in choosing my human canvases, I had to select the most incidental, unimportant, casual acquaintances that I could think of. People who would also be the most appreciative recipients of her likeness; wanting her visage being proudly preserved on their bodies forever. So after seconds of intense pondering and deliberation, I chose four middle-aged gay men from middle America whom I had basically no previous connections to. (I used Craig’s List) My criterium?They had to be gullible, easily persuaded (and drunk). I think that you will agree with me that my attempts to immortalise Marilyn speak for themselves.

Since there obviously is no way that I could possibly improve upon my skills and abilities with this very ancient and significant art form, I think that I shall move on to bedazzling, and puffy painting sweatshirts. I feel that this above mentioned particular art form is sadly and undeservedly in decline.

Hattie’s Parade

Good-bye Brian. I will miss you. You always respected me and my ideas even at the age of twenty! Loretta B. Demille. Hattie Hathaway. Brian Butterick. You helped make so much possible for me and so many others. They even stopped the traffic on 2nd Avenue for your memorial march. Impressive.