Summer Readiness!

Spring is in the air!

(or is that just the smell of all the rotting piles of fish, fly covered duck parts, and the abundance of mushy, blackened, mouldy fruits and vegetables cascading out of the garbage bins on every corner of China Town after a long hot weekend?)

ANYWAY, I digress (yet again)… SPRING…or something…is in the air! And we all know what that means. There is something sinister lurking just after Labour Day…. SUMMER. It’s that dreaded perennial season that inflicts self loathing, acute body dysmorphia, and humiliation upon most of the population. Every year it’s just as reliable as when Puxasutawney Phil comes peeking out of his burrow. It’s just as predictable as October bringing us Halloween. And of course the arrival of Halloween means attending parties where once more you hear the reoccurring theme of everybody’s costume. The description of said theme is naturally:

“I’m a Sexy ______”

(you can fill in that above blank with anything from “kitten”, “nurse”, “pirate”, “baby”, “homeless man”, “burn victim” through to “cadaver”)

But..back to our topic…

Yes, SUMMER is coming. The season whose high temperatures, and societal expectations demand that we wear less coverings over our pale, flabby bodies. Those same bodies that have been safely camouflaged all through autumn and winter by cashmere sweaters, silk lined woollen trousers, fashionable boots, hand knitted scarves, glamorous drama coats (à la Çomme de Garçon) and a vast variety of garments created from beautiful tactile fabrics. (le sigh)

Summer, on the other hand is the season, that to me, demands that I wear clothing and bathing suits that exacerbate the genetic betrayal that is my legacy.

I know a lot of people say: “You should just join a gym and start working out! You’ll get such a high from it!”, or “Take a Spin Class, it’s so much fun!”, and

I’m on a really fun ______team, you should come and play with us!”

I have attempted all of those activities, and believe me when I tell you that I totally went at it half-heartedly, and gave it the best half-arsed effort that I kinda tried to muster. Going to the gym, and especially trying out a Spin Class made me completely anxious, self conscious and nauseous. Being around all those muscular, toned young people made me feel like a giant albino squid, thrown out of the ocean, and onto a beach. I was flopping about uncoordinated and exposed. All that my squid self desperately wanted to do was to find some way back into that ocean water again, and then squirt out a huge cloud of black ink in which to hide myself, and cower. In other words, as far as gyms? I’d rather wear fire as a hat.

After all of those experiences I have decided that I already get plenty of exercise from chain smoking, driving a stick-shift, wandering through the streets aimlessly every weekend, and lying in bed and complaining.

However, I did recently unearth a long forgotten ancient VHS tape!

(yes I DO do still own a VCR. I use it to view all of the old videos that I never got around to converting to DVD’s twenty years ago…and yes DVD’s still exist too. Not everything is on Netflix baby)

So this afore mentioned tape is an old eighties work-out tape was designed especially for men. I have been watching it and copying all the movements for weeks, but I am still not looking like any of the men on the tape. Then I realised that maybe the point isn’t looking like those men, but rather to just like looking at them.

Enjoy!

Yes, You May(belline)

The man who finds Buddhism in mascara

A report from our Left Coast Wessside Reporter

Kodo Nishimura is a make-up artist from Japan. He leads an unusual double life, as he is also a fully trained Buddhist monk.

As a gay man, he has found that Buddhism has accepted his sexuality. Some of his followers on Instagram ask for his advice, telling him that their families frown upon homosexuality because of their religion in their parts of the world. For Kodo, Buddhism has instead shown him equality, and encouraged him to be himself.

In Japan, Buddhist monks can have other careers alongside their life as a monk. Kodo got to train as a make-up artist in the US, and he believes that allowing monks to lead lives outside the monastery has helped the faith survive in contemporary Japanese society

Leaving Neverland And The Fallout For DJ’S

After watching what I consider to be the first fully truthful documentary about Michael Jackson’s serial child molestations I am feeling depressed but certainly not shocked. In 1997 I read, “Michael Jackson Was My Lover: The Secret Diary of Jordie Chandler” and believed every word of it. This truth is not news to me. Lots of us read it back then and the shocking paperback got passed around our group of friends resulting in many even higher raised eyebrows to say the least. I think it was the first book I ever bought online actually because it was only permitted to be published in Chile due to the Chandler’s secret out of court settlement. I wish it had been returned to me because as of today it’s going for as much as $768.00 being classified as rare! Sad emoiji.

Do you have my copy of this? If so, why not have a friend email for my address me and return it to me anonymously?

After an afternoon of feeling helpless I realized there is at least one thing I can do. As of today, I will no longer be playing any Michael Jackson recordings publicly as a DJ. I realize the result of this decision could have negative monetary implications for the Jackson estate, possibly in excess of $0.05 however I think if every music programmer or DJ in the world did the same, even for year, the world might take notice.

Please watch, “Leaving Neverland.” I never fully understood the wide reaching destruction that child sex abuse causes. Thank you to the makers, the people at HBO and to everybody else that helped to bring this teary eye opening issue to the spotlight. If you don’t have access to it, email me and I will help you out.

The End Of Make-Up???

Real-world Photoshop: Procter & Gamble debut a handheld device that could replace makeup
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Procter & Gamble debuted its newest tool in the fight against aging. At CES this week, the company introduced the world to “Opté,” a handheld device that prints anti-aging product on top of your skin, acting as a real-world Photoshop, essentially.

Opté covers up hyperpigmentation, or age spots, by gliding a device the size of an electric shaver over the skin‘s surface.

Using blue LED lights, the device maximizes contrasts in melanin before using onboard cameras to take more than 200 images per second. Images are then sent to a microprocessor that analyzes 70,000 lines of code to determine the size, shape, and intensity of each blemish. After photographing and analyzing the skin, a tiny onboard printer with 120 nozzles, each thinner than a human hair, deposits a specially-formulated skin care serum directly to the problem area — foregoing solution on areas where it’s not needed.

According to Procter & Gamble, its internal inkjet printers can reproduce any skin color, starting with cartridges for fair, medium, and dark skin as a base.

For anyone currently wearing makeup to cover blemishes, the company says, this could replace it entirely. And, bonus, it won’t sweat off like traditional concealers. It’s not just a concealer, though. Opté could, over time, reduce the appearance of these blemishes with anti-aging ingredients used in the coverup solution.

Pricing information is still up in the air, but Procter & Gamble plans to release the device later this year, or in early 2020.

Can You Still Feel It?

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One question: What happened to the New Age that we danced and meditated and held Hands Across America for? “Where is the love?” said Roberta and Donny and me, right now?

¿Dondé esta el amor, gente?

I understand that an “age” is about 2160 years. So “The New Age” of the mid Eighties that we ushered in with such sincere intentions for global peace and harmony should still be in full effect? N’est pas? Instead of unity, peace and understanding, we have racism raging, hate and violence expanding and (by the way) we are at FULL BLOWN WAR!! – the longest war in American history in fact and nobody even remembers or seems to acknowledge it! AFGHANISTAN – It’s more than a knitted throw. You should look into it.There’s a lot of murdering and child killing and corruption. Seriously, it’s even worse than MASH. But my beef with the entire earth right now, here today is, this is not what was supposed to be happening in 2019! By now “all the colors of the world should be lovin’ each other wholeheartedly” – remember? …from the video right up there? Those are the lyrics, folks, okay???

There’s only one possible solution to re-ignite the loving energies of that old New Age that our struggling planet so desperately needs again….A HANDS ACROSS AMERICA RE-DO!!!! YAAAASSSSS!!!!!! Bring it back in 2020! (OMG I just realised that next year will be sharing it’s name with Hugh Downs television vehicle. this is wrong on many levels)

And you can bet your ass I would be there AGAIN for it. When I remember Hands Across America I remember two things; being way too overly excited about the whole thing, and Lesley Chilkes singing at the top of her lungs out there along the West Side Highway on that gorgeous sunny day. Hey, we tried, we really did. So…who’s with me on this Hands2 project? Can I see a show of hands for Hands2 please? – Can we take it all the way around the world somehow? Does anybody have Richard Branson’s cell # ??? Anybody???? No??? Elon Musk’s land line….anybody???? No???? Okaaaayyyy……how about Hands Across 14th Street? maybe bringing it down could work? -No? no.

Well, looks we’re out of time for our first meeting. Great work, guys. I’m feeling this. Email me with your ideas and I’ll see you back here for our next meeting which is…let’s see…January 7th, 2051. Cool!

love you guys.

Hands2..think about it…we need ideas…sooooo, you know, ask other people for some and email me – or text me. LOVE YOU GUYS!!!!!

be safe…okay? safe home everybody. Great job today. Great meeting.. WE GOT THIS!!!!!

BYEEEEEEEEEEEE.