Defile Claude Montana L’Automne ’85-’86

And you thought clones only sat at bars all night and cut hair all day…. Still waiting on the biopic here….doesn’t anybody want to call Ryan and plant the seed? Montana, people…not the state.

A Free Mini Masterclass with Miss Geraldine Page

(feedback) ….Welcome students and professionals. Our program for the Mini Masterclass in acting is about to begin. This is the Acting Mini Masterclass…so if you are not here to study acting, you are in the wrong place! Our guest instructor today is Miss Geraldine Page Torn.

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Yes! let’s hear it for her. Ladies and gentlemen, Gerry will be doing an acting demo for us then we’ll have a three minute break after which she will present us with another example of what she does so well, and that is of course, acting correctly. OK , so there will be no questions or discussion after the class, before the class, during the class or during the break. Please do not attempt to speak to Miss Page Torn at any time during our program. You got that? It’s not gonna happen.

Now, Miss P. Torn has given her very intense and hyper-detailed Mini Masterclass an appropriate title for us – she’s keeping it simple and to the point, learn from her, kids. So ,on behalf of the Billy Beyond Teach It Charitable Association and the Decoupage Institute of Technology at Queens College, I am very proud to give you now “Acting – This is how to do it.” with Miss Geraldine Page Torn. Hold your applause please. Quiet. Quiet please.

(So if I could just get each of you to click on that white arrow you see on the screen below, our masterclass will begin.)

The names of any other actors who appear in any scenes with Miss Page Torn are irrelevant and therefore have intentionally not been noted here.

3 MINUTE BREAK starts now. Please, as a reminder, there’s no smoking in the bathrooms and this also means vapes and JUULs. Okay? Seriously…

Ok…OK…Can we settle down please? Thank you. We are continuing with the second half of our class now and once again I’m going to need each of you to click right on that white arrow that you see in the center of the screen, right below here. OK? Amy? are you listening or are you looking for the perfect nut? I see you have a nice looking mix in that bag and I’m sure they are both delicious and nutritious but there is no eating anywhere in this building and that does include snacking. Ok? Thank you. Now…evidently some of you had some problems with the arrow clicking in the first half of our Masterclass…I’m sorry about that, uh…I’ve been told to tell you that you should click on the white arrow but only once. Just one click on that arrow and that’s it. OK? One click only. If you click on it twice, then it stops and Geraldine will be frozen in time forever….so…I’m sure none of us want that for such a generous and kind lady. OK? Once again, one click. So, here we go, now you can click that arrow and….oh….one more thing. Please be aware that the class will be ending immediately after this scene ends, so please, if you could just exit quickly out the main doors and not congregate in here when Miss Page has finished her demonstration for us..OK? We have another Masterclass coming in here very soon and we would like to give the cleaning crew enough time to wipe things down and whatever else it is they do….I don’t now…maybe vacuum I guess? … ANYWAY, let’s all settle down and enjoy the master talent of out Masterclass Instructor on the subject of “acting and how to do it correctly,” Miss Geraldine “Gerry” Page Torn.

….go ahead and click it! ( morons…)

Normally the names of any other actors who appear in any scene with Miss Page Torn are irrelevant and therefore are never noted, but there exists one exception, that being an appearance of any kind by the great Ruth Gordon. Miss Gordon appears here in a scene from “Whatever Happened To Aunt Alice.”

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πŸ‘πŸ‘πŸ‘ Goodnight everyone. πŸ‘πŸ‘πŸ‘ Be safe.

Goodnight. πŸ‘πŸ‘πŸ‘ Just right out that door, same way you came in…yep.

Ok. You bet.

bye now.

More Moon Magic

from your host, PJ;

At the height of midsummer’s eve we come together to feast on the delights of our Earth’s sweet fecundity . The full strawberry moon announces the waxing glory of the season of light and is the perfect medicine to the chaos of this past solar eclipse.  New York is under the patronage of Mercury, the god of crossroads and communication, and the the retrograde hits us with a particular intensity. Mercury stations direct just two days before the full moon giving our feast a delicious forward momentum. Midsummer historically is a celebration of bonfires, mirth, and magic, fittingly we shall provide you with all three. Our full strawberry moon is a ritual of abundance, generosity, and joy through community. Please join us for this most auspicious night. Bring a friend, dress ethereally! 

A Little Background on The Campus Cuties

Not many people know that The Campus Cuties are Zoroastrianists or even that collectable figurines could have any religious practices at all. So far, The Cuties are the only ones I have ever found with any kind of spiritual practice. Recently, I happened upon them mid-worship while looking for a remote in the dark. I probably shouldn’t have taken this picture, but it was my coffee table so I did. Zoroastrianism is an ancient religion (6th century BC) and seems like a good idea to me. Zoroastrians believe people and some figurines are free to choose between good and bad. Choosing good will lead to happiness, and choosing bad will lead to unhappiness. So it is the best to choose good. Therefore, the motto of the religion is “Good Thoughts, Good Words, Good Deeds, ‘Nuf Said.” ( I threw that last part in myself.)

Happy Memorial Day, Douglas

You think YOU’RE sorry you’re dead? I’ll tell ya who’s sorry your dead. Everybody, that’s who. And another thing – everybody also knows you get no apologies for dying. They will not be accepted now or ever due to the fact that you are currently and in perpetuity certifiably non living. Don’t make me say dirt nap, Douglas. The only sign I want to see on your tombstone is, “Back In 15 Minutes.” YOU’RE sorry. yeah right. Good one. Now can the corn, corpse . S anyway, since you’ve been gone it’s been a shitshow here. I mean, if I told you that a global pandemic has been raging for over a year now you’d never believe me right? Well believe me. Oh that reminds me, if you see Nashom will you tell him that The Cock is opening up again soon and there’s a rumor going around that they are creating a new room in there to be known as The Nashom Lounge. I know he’ll love that.

Happy Memorial Day, Douglas, today’s your day! Back here in Hell you get exactly one day for dying. Period. One stinkin’ day to do nothing except maybe save twenty bucks on a mid size appliance and we have the nerve to call it a holiday. In your case you get quite a few days a year to be remembered and missed and continually loved – but those aren’t holidays. Those days when I’m talking to you or about you are pretty much the opposite of a holiday. Those are are the days when Douglas is still dead and everything is still full retail. Life is Hell.

Ya mind if I ask you a favor? Save me a space next to you, will ya? Hey, things happen you know? People die. I could be hit by a bus tomorrow. I’d just like to live knowing that I won’t have to fight for real estate in my afterlife. Big hugs Doug…love your halo. I think you were right to forget the wings. Wings can make your ass look fat. Truth!!Bye Douglas. Everything still sucks here and I still love you. End of ceremony.

This ceremony is OVER, Douglas. I gotta run up to Macy’s annual white sale. It’s always impossible prices and high thread counts. I don’t suppose you could use…no. Nevermind. Byeeeeeee.

Wendy/Walter Carlos Demonstrates Synthesis – 1970

Trans visibility pioneer Wendy/Walter Carlos was also a vanguard of electronic music production and it’s performance. I’m so glad they cared enough to always teach the audience about this developing and never before heard gebre of music. She kept it classic and mostly recorded classical pieces and Bach was her biggest hit. Their album, Switched On Bach was the highest selling classical record EVER!!! Go trans power!!!

Gods And Robots by Adrienne Mayor

A great book for your January lock-down-slow-down-extra-reading-time reading list. This one is a mind blower, let me just start with that. It’s about how the ancients had concepts of, fears of and encounters with robots, yes robots, exactly as we do today. Sounds crazy, right? Wrong. It’s history kids, and it’s fascinating. Adrienne Mayor writes so beautifully and makes it all so easy to understand. I’m giving this one five golden feathers for quality, five mushrooms for trippy-ness and factor of mind blown plus an extra plus for all the sex, drugs, power struggles and general drama involved. That’s our highest rating ever! I bought the hard cover because it’s better – FIND IT HERE. For those of you who can’t stop doing other things but still want to know about it, you can watch a youtube in the background wherein Adrienne gave insight into some of the things in her book – WATCH IT HERE.

Let this automated recording clue you in.

Adrienne is my new hero, I mean my ancient hero, I mean not that she’s ancient, I mean I feel really old myself most of the time, I mean….nevermind. Its a great book. You should read it.

Boris as Apollo – by me.

Reasons To Be Cheerful

Add this new-way news blog to your daily net walk. David Byrne is in charge so you can be sure you’ll be entertained, treated like and adult and possibly even inspired.

REASONS TO BE CHEERFUL IS HERE

Neuera 200 – 2 passenger recreational aircraft

Over the past 30+ years Moller International and its predecessor companies have been working on the development of the technologies required for a new class of vehicles called volantors. The “Neuera” (pronounced “new era”) will be the first of these volantors to enter the market as a low-cost personal recreational or utility vehicle, capable of vertical take-off and landing (VTOL).

The multi-purpose Neuera can operate hundreds feet above any surface: land, water, sand, snow, swamp or grasslands. It can be used like other recreational vehicles, combining the capabilities of a boat, hovercraft, ATV, snowmobile, or other off-road vehicle. It has the hover and VTOL capabilities of a helicopter. Its ducted fans provide lift and propulsion without the danger of exposed rotor blades and high maintenance costs of helicopters. The vehicle uses state-of-the-art fly-by-wire computer technology to monitor, control, and maintain stability while simultaneously making the Neuera simple and easy to operate.

The Neuera’s performance, while similar to that of a light helicopter, is safer and potentially less expensive. Moller International is currently working to obtain cerification from the appropriate regulatory agencies prior to the sale of this vehicle to the public

Unitard At Joe’s Pub

UNITARD – Badassy!This Time it’s Serious Joe’s Pub Wed Jan 29th 7pm Mike Albo, Nora Burns and David Ilku are back with their new show Badassy, a wildly twisted take on everything annoying, amusing and artisanal. It’s a comic cocktail for your psyche. 
“Don’t miss this! Incredibly vicious and relentlessly hilarious.”- Time Out New York 
“Critics Pick” – The New Yorker
“Highbrow/Lowbrow Brilliant” – New York Magazine

Tickets $20 Joespub.comDiscount code – Boogie 
(photo Aaron Cobbett)

Are Christmas Cards Fine Art?

They are now. Don Allcorn’s annual best Christmas Card ( should I have said, “holiday greeting?” Why is hard to be politically correct? Shouldn’t it be easier? – they need to make fairness easier than unfairness then I think it might have a chance.) has taken the printed posted greeting and raised it up to the level of fine art… all within one an easy to open envelope! Is he a magician? No silly, he’s an artist. He’s also an architect and my old college buddy and Susan’s brother! Duh! Don Allcorn people…remember that name. Anyway, when I easily opened the envelope the first thing I thought was, “That was so easy to open.” Next, I instantly recognized the contents as being fine art. ‘But how?” you are probably not asking yourself…Let me learn you now, a simple rule of identification should you one day wonder, “Is that art fine?”

If it’s in a frame, it’s fine art.

Very simple really. No frame? Not fine art….for the most part anyway…I mean there’s always Yoko Ono and making holes in the wind type of art stuff…but this little rule right here will keep what’s fine and what’s not pretty clear. BUT you must also remember that just because some art is not fine, that does not mean it is not good art….or bad art….or expensive as fuck art…or actually just garbage….that’s the rub.( no, Scott Covert’s paintings are the “rub”…riiiiiiight?????? – yuck yuck yuck) – NEVERMIND.

I like that textural fine art frame with that fine furniture in “Claridge Carbon” by Modernica seen in the photo above. That’s looking fine. I’m seeing a design rule here…

Fine is fine with Fine.

…honestly these marvelous ideas just come right out of my fingertips and onto the keys of this computer…they really do…they completely bypass my brain. Hmmm. Fascinating….yeah, I know! OK, here comes another one right now….

Art is a mystery. Don’t try to solve it. It’s not called Rubik’s Cubism, kids.

Take these wise words of easy to remember wisdom and use them! I give these things to you my twelve to fifteen readers.

Merry Christmas Happy Holidays to you all…I totally slept through the whole week this year. Ooops. Missed Christmas. So what.

I had pictures of holiday windows to post and funny gift ideas and all kinds of Xmas blogging to post….but I didn’t even download the pictures off my phone. Fuck it. Who cares.

The Holiday Window Reviews Are Back

And they’re shittier than ever this year. They are more mean spirited than drunk Cardi B and more bitter than Campari with Campari in a Dixie Cup. Oh there’s so much to hate and so many reasons to read this year…and people too…everyone one of you fools is fair game this season, sistahs. Uh huh. Its gonna be Ughs up in here…

Yep. And that aint nothing.

Im talking about broken escalators and lots of complaining to the managers. Oh there will be video. Oh yes…this year we are ruining everything and we are not stopping until we see tears. Its going down, grilla. Pray you don’t see me near the clearance aisle cuz queenie’s coming cunty this year. For Christmess, and qwanza and chanukka, those St Judes Hospital money grubbers and for those Salvation Satan’s Army homo hating Suckwads too. Uh huh. Silly String. That’s what there’re getting this year. Silly String at a very close range. Taste the string Sally’s!!!! Hahaha. Let the holiday begin. Watch ya back, bitches. Im right here.