Pat Dry’s Turkey Day Forecast

Pat Dry reporting for The Billy Beyond Holiday Forecast Service and Emergency Leather Alert Network. At this time there are [NO] Leather Emergencies in both the East and West Village.  Additionally, we show several reports of lost gloves in Chelsea, with two arm-bands being reported as either lost or stolen in the Hell’s Kitchen area. We have word of some possible injuries involving a faulty C-clamp in conjunction with a sling and that terrible LEXOL spill in Mid-town that we reported on earlier this weekend. We are monitoring that slippery situation as it develops.

Pat Dry will keep you up to date on all the latest Leather Emergency Alerts  and Severe Leather Forecasts as they happen, right here, exclusively on the E.L.A.N. Thanks Pat, and let’s hope this holiday is a safe one in all the dungeons across our area.

#PATDRY

It’s Tall Taper Weather

Once again it’s the time of year for 36″ or taller tapers, preferably in black.

FIND THEM RIGHT HERE.

Stock up. You never know when the power may go out. These are great even before you burn them because they are somewhat freakishly tall which scares a lot of people. Good. Candle haters and easy scares are not my type anyway.

Blessed Be.

Hail Satin. (It’s never out of style and looks so great by candlelight.)

Currently, there is a “Black Leather” scented candle being offered by a nationwide purveyor you may have heard of…Target? Anyway, the 6″ X 3″ pillar is only six doll hairs and let me tell you, it’s scented. It’s scented BACK! This thing is the ooh la la of overscented anythings. I’m smelling mine now. MMMMM. Smells “kinda” like leather. I have it in the original packaging (shrink wrapped and doubled bagged) and in the bottom of my closet under the Leather Squirrel sound system. Oooh  – leather. Yeah. It’s basically some kind of ultra-volatile un-stable scent molecule drenched fragrance bomb. I recomennd them highly…like if you’re high. Mine has been scenting my entire “pied-a-terre OK, soon to be on the market mini-loft’ for weeks. That’s a lot of scent for six clams.

GET YOURS HERE

These are perfect for musty smelling auditoriums, rubber wreaking blimp hangers and landfills. One should do it.

The Practical Side Of Poodleology

If you’re like most people, you are probably asking yourself, “What can Poodleology do for me in my everyday life? Sure, it may help me at the hairdresser’s or when I’m choosing a greeting card, but how can Poodleology be applied in my day to day life?”

As a long time Poodleologist, let me start by saying that it’s pretty obvious your life sounds like a boring and sad routine repeating over and over in an endless cycle of meaningless days. Greeting cards? – ummmm that’s really thoughtful (yawn.) 

Here’s an example of Practical Poodleology in action.

Recently I was doing a little re-re-re-decorating and hanging a borrowed painting was the task du jour. I wanted this painting to be hung perfectly straight and invisibly from a slanted beam in my ceiling. As everybody who has ever worked in display will tell you, the only answer was a plumb line. Now, where did I put that old plumb line? After a three second search I realized I was going to have to improvise. I had a good string and I had a poodle. Those would do it. Easy now boring person, it wasn’t a real poodle, it was an old birthday present in the form of a poodle shaped silver charm that had a nice weight to it… from Tiffany’s actually. After establishing plumb the job was a breeze and the painting was invisibly suspended exactly where it wanted to be. That little poodle worked like a charm. Poodleology in action.

Now if I could just find that bottle of Tarnex…