Tag Archives: heaven

Happy Memorial Day, Douglas

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You think YOU’RE sorry you’re dead? I’ll tell ya who’s sorry your dead. Everybody, that’s who. And another thing – everybody also knows you get no apologies for dying. They will not be accepted now or ever due to the fact that you are currently and in perpetuity certifiably non living. Don’t make me say dirt nap, Douglas. The only sign I want to see on your tombstone is, “Back In 15 Minutes.” YOU’RE sorry. yeah right. Good one. Now can the corn, corpse . S anyway, since you’ve been gone it’s been a shitshow here. I mean, if I told you that a global pandemic has been raging for over a year now you’d never believe me right? Well believe me. Oh that reminds me, if you see Nashom will you tell him that The Cock is opening up again soon and there’s a rumor going around that they are creating a new room in there to be known as The Nashom Lounge. I know he’ll love that.

Happy Memorial Day, Douglas, today’s your day! Back here in Hell you get exactly one day for dying. Period. One stinkin’ day to do nothing except maybe save twenty bucks on a mid size appliance and we have the nerve to call it a holiday. In your case you get quite a few days a year to be remembered and missed and continually loved – but those aren’t holidays. Those days when I’m talking to you or about you are pretty much the opposite of a holiday. Those are are the days when Douglas is still dead and everything is still full retail. Life is Hell.

Ya mind if I ask you a favor? Save me a space next to you, will ya? Hey, things happen you know? People die. I could be hit by a bus tomorrow. I’d just like to live knowing that I won’t have to fight for real estate in my afterlife. Big hugs Doug…love your halo. I think you were right to forget the wings. Wings can make your ass look fat. Truth!!Bye Douglas. Everything still sucks here and I still love you. End of ceremony.

This ceremony is OVER, Douglas. I gotta run up to Macy’s annual white sale. It’s always impossible prices and high thread counts. I don’t suppose you could use…no. Nevermind. Byeeeeeee.

Sleaze Volume One by DJ Luke Howard

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The good news about Luke Howard’s, “Sleaze” disco mixes? – There are fifteen volumes in this expertly curated disco reference tool. How wonderful to have an encyclopedic knowledge! Personally I am downloading all of them twice and having one set etched onto titanium plates as binary code then stored very deep underground at a classified location. The other set I’ll be mounting in the meditation room of my sacred disco temple where I frequently commune with and keep up with the dearly departed dancers from The Saint. Oh yes, they are still dancing and yes, Gay, there is flag dancing in heaven….it’s not easy because a lot of these guys have those big wings…sort of like the circuit queens’ costumes but…well they’re not actually costume wings…anyway…wings can make a lot of the old flagging moves difficult due to tangling, lost feathers, even broken wings from what I heard during last week’s session. oh yes girl, it’s heaven in heaven but shit still happens…from what I hear…and girl, did you hear who nearly fell through her cloud at last week’s High Tea?…I mean, how high does she need to be? This is heaven…top floor sweetie…GET OFF THE ELEVATOR! Bitch is dead and gone and still nearly killing herself on the dancefloor….she IS sweet though.

HERE IS YOUR SLEAZE DISCO ENCYCLOPEDIA by LUKE HOWARD

I hope I don’t die before I listen to all of them because they only have harps in heaven and I love a harp but I mean…all the time?…forever? No. I need my disco down here on earth.