A Three Piece Summer Salad Dressed Simply

…walks into a salad bar. Just Kidding.

It’s summer. Ideas are harder to find when you’re overheated and hungry.

Here’s one for you. In the words of Marlene Menard, the mid-eighties East Village chanteuse and star of Tom Rubnitz‘s video short masterpiece, Chicken Elaine, “et voila, it’s easy and fancy.”

Fennel, Blood Orange and Hazlenut Salad


  • 1 large fennel bulb, thoroughly washed
  • 2 blood oranges, sliced
  • 1/2 cup whole raw hazelnuts
  • 1 tbsp extra virgin olive oil
  • 1–2 tbsp fresh squeezed lemon juice
  • 1/2 tsp sea salt

Cut fennel bulb in half and slice it super thin.

Supreme the oranges. (Supremeing an orange) If you are not concerned about the “ooh la la” you can peel them and slice then into thin discs. If you supremed them you can, take a full ballet style bow then cut them into bite sized pieces.

Toast the hazlenuts. Don’t roast ’em. Don’t burn ’em. Just toast ’em then chop ’em.

Dress everything with olive oil and lemon juice an sea salt.

Serve this alone or on top of some mildly flavored lettuce like one from the Butterhead family for example. Butterhead…relax!, it’s vegan.


Announcing: Billy Beyond Book Reviews

Book reviews. Love ’em? Hate ’em? Ever read one?

Book reviews keep you from wasting your time and money by reading bad books which can result in tired eyes, financial problems due to the cost of books and a bitter personality.

Don’t want bad books, just want good books…Don’t want bad books, just want good books…

Here’s a book!


Entertaining by Martha Stewart. ISBN:0-517-54419-9 Published 1982

I just found it today at a favorite merchant of mine in the quaint town of Port Chester, New York. BTW – Port Chester is a very “up and re-coming up again soon” type of town that is bound to not come up again and originally came up as a “PETA Please Cover Your Ears” type of whaling village “on the Sound,” and can be reached today by those coming from Manhattan’s Grand Central (Please Don’t Call It A Station) Terminal via the New Haven Line, on the off-peak, for the sum of four dollars and seventy-five cents when purchasing passage prior to boarding the train. Sounds pretty romantic, doesn’t it? Well it is.

For those seriously considering crossing the Harlem River by rail and exploring this “Get Off The Train And You’re There” type of destination for themselves, may I suggest you first familiarize yourself with the track and platform configurations of the station you’ll soon be using. It could save you time and it just could save a life, your own!

Platform and track configuration PORT CHESTER

3  New Haven Line for Grand Central
1  New Haven Line no stop
 Northeast Corridor no stop
2  New Haven Line no stop
 Northeast Corridor no stop
4  New Haven Line for New Haven – State Street

This station has two high-level side platforms each 10 cars long. The northern platform, adjacent to Track 3, is generally used by Westbound trains. The southern platform, adjacent to Track 4, is generally used by Eastbound trains. Bring a compass.

Back to the book. It’s great if you like to cook. It’s great if you like to cook hard things and very fussy, fancy foods. If you don’t cook often then I would still recommend this book because when you see pictures of a young, early Martha looking sort of like a later, future Martha you may, as I did, come closer to a general understanding of the concepts that surround time-travel and the very real possibility of alien cross-breeding in our society today. Caution: Do not look at the picture below for more than ten seconds.


Nice tulips, right? But the thing I got stuck on was the ruffles. I fell into a ruffle rut. They call it a ruffle rut. Who ironed and styled these ruffles? How do you iron ruffles? No, how do YOU iron your ruffles, Martha? How? I want to see. Please can you show me how? Pleeeeeease can we iron the ruffles together tonight, Martha? I’m sorry…I’m sorry Martha…..

Highlights of Entertaining by Martha Stewart:

Details on roasting a young pig in “Hawaiian Luau For Twenty”


Martha in a grass skirt. – Anybody in a grass skirt, really but…


Martha in short shorts.


Sexy chicken shots


I would definitely recommend this book but if you want to buy it don’t go to the Salvation Army in Port Chester because they only had one copy.