Parker’s New Book

Calm down, calm down now. Look, I’m just as excited about this as you are but I’m not about to spill this beer and I mean coffee all over my barely alive keyboard.

Yes, the rumors are true – Parker Posey has a new book out and I’m sure it’s genius. If you want to read about it you can do that HERE.

As many of you might know, Parker is somebody I am proud to call friend and let me tell you privately, she is good at being a friend. She doesn’t bug you but will always answer an email or a phone call. She’s a great date and pretends to love anything you might bring her. I think that’s classy. “Oh my god! A little ceramic…is it ceramic?… a little…it’s so… I love it. Thank you! How are you?”

Ok so – New Book – “You’re On An Airplane”

I haven’t read it yet so I won’t try to review it but I’m guessing by the title that it’s a bunch of suggestions for improv scenes? Right? Maybe like, “You’re on an airplane and a terrorist has just slit the pilot’s throat…” GO! -you feel me?

No? well….it could be.

It could also be a re-telling of all the times you passed out and the first things you remember hearing after you woke up? Maybe? No? Anybody? No?

Ok, so after I read it I will have a better understanding of what it is about and I will let you know. I’m excited about it because it doesn’t look too long. Right? Plus really long books are super heavy to carry around so you leave them at home and you never read them because there’s TV at home, obviously, why should you?  Hey don’t act like you don’t know exactly what I”m talking about, Mr. “An Understanding of Sophocles” at The Beach. OK? Let’s keep it real here.

Now, there are two things that I would like to point out about Parker Posey’s new book that I have not read.

A. – Yes, that IS a leather turban.

And 2 –

Black Manicure – like ink from a type-writer ribbon.I get it.

Author, black manicure, probably using pens all the time – pretty smart, kid!!

Having worked in the past very intensely on a NYT best-seller (12 weeks, bitches) by a little lady with the last name of Sedaris , I can tell you that this book feels like a winner to my experienced touch, I mean…the cover does. To me, it looks like a hit. I of course, have not read this book but I have managed to write a post about it and drop two famous actress names in the process. See how I did that? That, my friend, is called creating entirely
“content free media.” Look around, it’s very popular, you’ll find it “on TV every night between All My Children and Jeopardy!!”  Oh, I’m sorry, I thought you knew – that was from Paris Is Burning – not Pose. Don’t get me started with Pose. No hunney – I love Posey not Pose. I’m just gonna park it right here with Pose.

Announcing: Billy Beyond Book Reviews

Book reviews. Love ’em? Hate ’em? Ever read one?

Book reviews keep you from wasting your time and money by reading bad books which can result in tired eyes, financial problems due to the cost of books and a bitter personality.

Don’t want bad books, just want good books…Don’t want bad books, just want good books…

Here’s a book!


Entertaining by Martha Stewart. ISBN:0-517-54419-9 Published 1982

I just found it today at a favorite merchant of mine in the quaint town of Port Chester, New York. BTW – Port Chester is a very “up and re-coming up again soon” type of town that is bound to not come up again and originally came up as a “PETA Please Cover Your Ears” type of whaling village “on the Sound,” and can be reached today by those coming from Manhattan’s Grand Central (Please Don’t Call It A Station) Terminal via the New Haven Line, on the off-peak, for the sum of four dollars and seventy-five cents when purchasing passage prior to boarding the train. Sounds pretty romantic, doesn’t it? Well it is.

For those seriously considering crossing the Harlem River by rail and exploring this “Get Off The Train And You’re There” type of destination for themselves, may I suggest you first familiarize yourself with the track and platform configurations of the station you’ll soon be using. It could save you time and it just could save a life, your own!

Platform and track configuration PORT CHESTER

3  New Haven Line for Grand Central
1  New Haven Line no stop
 Northeast Corridor no stop
2  New Haven Line no stop
 Northeast Corridor no stop
4  New Haven Line for New Haven – State Street

This station has two high-level side platforms each 10 cars long. The northern platform, adjacent to Track 3, is generally used by Westbound trains. The southern platform, adjacent to Track 4, is generally used by Eastbound trains. Bring a compass.

Back to the book. It’s great if you like to cook. It’s great if you like to cook hard things and very fussy, fancy foods. If you don’t cook often then I would still recommend this book because when you see pictures of a young, early Martha looking sort of like a later, future Martha you may, as I did, come closer to a general understanding of the concepts that surround time-travel and the very real possibility of alien cross-breeding in our society today. Caution: Do not look at the picture below for more than ten seconds.


Nice tulips, right? But the thing I got stuck on was the ruffles. I fell into a ruffle rut. They call it a ruffle rut. Who ironed and styled these ruffles? How do you iron ruffles? No, how do YOU iron your ruffles, Martha? How? I want to see. Please can you show me how? Pleeeeeease can we iron the ruffles together tonight, Martha? I’m sorry…I’m sorry Martha…..

Highlights of Entertaining by Martha Stewart:

Details on roasting a young pig in “Hawaiian Luau For Twenty”


Martha in a grass skirt. – Anybody in a grass skirt, really but…


Martha in short shorts.


Sexy chicken shots


I would definitely recommend this book but if you want to buy it don’t go to the Salvation Army in Port Chester because they only had one copy.