Is That Lady OK?

Christy Minstrel sent this disturbing photo to me last night and although I wasn’t upset by it at first, I think it’s fair to say that this photo of B. Davis may quite possibly posses a very powerful and arresting un-named form of mental magnetism. PLEASE – for your own sake and for the sake of your friends and families,

DO NOT LOOK DIRECTLY INTO HER EYES!

Personally, I was stuck on the uni-lip for most of the morning and by lunch I was onto the kid leather glove. Unfortunately, I learned about the hypnotic negative effect of this photo after I looked directly into those Bette Davis eyes. As I felt my own will draining out of me like an opened vein, I knew then that Kim Carnes was much more than an AM top forty fad. The lady was now singing my life with her song ( scratch that – wrong song.) Anyway, I guess it must have been a few hours later that I even realized those eyes had rolled me like dice. I was bruised and hungry and I had peed myself , (possibly more than once), yet still I couldn’t escape those eyes…those Bette Davis Eyes. I’m very far away from home now...Mommy? Bette?

For God’s sake, readers! Don’t make the same mistake I did! Click away while you still have the strength to swipe! Save yourselves!

( later this evening ) I am blogging this from a very lovely padded cell somewhere and I have been restrained by three very nice men and I am wearing a 1937 model canvas straight jacket (which fits like a glove!) … a glove????   Did I say a glove?  A KID LEATHER GLOVE MAYBE?????  AHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!   NURSE!   NURSE!!!

( An injection is administered )

Im sorry. I’m very sorry. I feel better now, I really do… I guess I am just feeling overwhelmed by that picture of that woman…and being strapped in….I mean “restrained,” : ) can be very difficult for someone with frequent grand gestures….and….Im hugging myself. Im just hugging myself…

(delusional mumbling)

(crying now) It’s just so god dammed hard to keep blogging when you are typing everything with a single toe….behind your back…in a padded cell….on the floor…and it’s just so cold in here….why is it so freaking cold in here?…I sure could use a mink stole right about now. …a what??? A mink stole? Do I mean a mink stole exactly like the one IN THAT DAMMED DAVIS PIC? DO I BILLY?   AHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!      NURSE!!!!    NURSE!!!!!  Dammit! She is always on her break!!!!

(overcome with a sudden calmness) – How silly of me…I know exactly how to handle that cut-rate kodachrome glossy. (giggling)  It’s really so simple…

( Baby Jane voice ) ….and I will NEHVAH have tooo see that horrible pikcha again!

(thud)



Safe Looks For Summer Swimming

Please be careful out there. A well fitting silicone swim cap can save thousands over the outrageous cost of back alley eye jobs by Brazilian doctors in Queens. Let the duct tape youre hiding underneath be your secret.

A frosted lip in sherbert keeps this scorching summer look icy cool.

billyandjoshswincaps2