The Mens Vacuum Finals – amazing developments at the Housework games tonight. Erb currently leads for the all around.
Am I the only one who hears a running commentary in my mind during the Olympics? I mean, I thought everybody imagined a play by play voice in their head as they completed the events of their mundane lives…
Example –
Announcer :Welcome back to the action we are awaiting the Mens Vacuum Finals.
Tonight the eyes of the world are focused on one man. A man who has dared to let himself dream of Olympic gold since the age of three. A man who according to his coach knew that he had a chance at gold the minute he saw his grandmother’s Hoover with a headlight. That man? Billy Erb – representing The United States at this the twenty ninth housekeeping Olympiad. He comes to this event after a disappointing performance in his first final, Cleaning The Kitchen – where he had trouble with the coffee pot and a crushing splash that cost him eight tenths of a point and kept him painfully below a perfect score. Let’s go now to the carpet.
The judges seem to be disputing something with the Romanian’s performance and things are stalled here on the floor. Meanwhile, let’s take a look at the apparatus –

That is the Meile Red Star with a power head beater bar – a German made machine  – the standard for competition vacuuming. Erb has been training on this machine for the last few years and he says he is comfortable with it and ready to score HUGE tonight.
Allright – well, while we wait for that moment, let’s take look at the carpet-

There it is – the Indigo Ink Saxony Pile that in just few minutes will be spotless. Remember…every inch of that carpet must be vacuumed and that means even under the seating.

And there is the braided rug we have heard so much about… We have seen so many home-athletes have trouble with this one. Remember now – the Meile has that power head beater bar that could easily catch the edge of that carpet and cause a stall. That would mean a full point deduction and we have seen it happen here earlier tonight. Erb says he feels good about it, and he has actually focused on avoiding the rug edge and that he has been training hard at handling this obstacle. we will see how he handles this in just a few moments…
OK – We are ready, it’s a green light for Erb and here we go:
A perfect mounting of the machine…he has removed it from the closet without disturbing the ironing board and he has set it up quickly and perfectly. A pointed toe tap on the power button and he is off. Beautiful. He is moving quickly through the room and showing no signs of being nervous tonight. A very smooth and long stroke – that beautiful international style that scores huge in events like this. Erb has an almost classic style to his vacuuming that really sets him apart from the other home-athletes. Now right here… his first release move – Beautiful! That was a full turning wand release with a back handed wand catch. Perfect. Now onto the coffee table – No problems here – OH! an expected release move and that was a pirouette wand toss with a cross hold catch – a signature move for Erb. He is on fire here! Look at him go! Very fast now..building speed and heading for the rug…just perfectly executed, absolutely brilliant edge work and look at him slide the power head just under the edge of that rug. No problem. That is SO difficult. He is making this look effortless. Just beautiful work tonight from Erb. And now his final release move – a double turning wand toss with pirouette where he will actually…THERE IT IS! PERFECT! He actually changed direction there and was turning on top of the power head. WOW! That is huge. He may be the only home athlete today that can pull that one off. Phenomenal! His dismount now…right here – he just needs to stick this and we are looking at what I could say is a perfect score tonight…here he goes – look at the power he has here – amazing – OH! OH! UNBELIEVABLE! – Erb has actually tripped on the cord and he is down. (pause) This is unbelievable. Probably his easiest skill – something you learn as a kid… and a lapse in concentration has cost him the perfect mark. You can see it on his face there – He is not happy about it – Let’s see what the judges think about this Vacuuming performance. He has GOT to be hurting right now – you can see the frustration in his body language there – just not a happy Vacuumer – there is just so much pressure here at the games…really no reason for that kind of thing, but that’s Housework for you – YOU JUST NEVER KNOW.
And the score – amazing! a 16 for Billy Erb – meaning if it wasn’t for the cord trip this would have been a perfect score. Still that’s a really huge score for Erb and this puts him in the lead at the moment for the all around after the second rotation. We will have to wait and see what happens on the next event – The Coffee Table. A really fine – world class performance on the Vacuum tonight from Erb – nearly perfect. The door opened up and he did not walk through it.
Now, we go back to the watercube…