Category is: Marshalls Realness (first time up in parade, OK)
Attention GAGgers, we want our Resistance Contingent in Sunday’s Pride March to SHINE and live up to the standard we set last year, when we won the Best Marching Contingent. For it to all go as smoothly and impactfully as we want, Marshals will be crucial. If you can do it and commit to a one hour marshal training on Friday at 7:00pm at the LGBT Center, please email Jay at
with the subject line: Marshal Training.
No guns or you will be CHOPPED!
Girls, you know I blog to you out of, how do i say that?…out of passion? And out of caring for you and out of loving what I do, and I am telling you that out of everything I posted on this whole blog, if I had to pick one p…well maybe it would be The Mens Vacuum post, I love that too – but these are amongst my top two favorites.
One, this post you’re reading right now, and two, The Mens Vacuum Finals 2008 post. Girls, these are my favorite two posts that I have blogged out of, how do I say that?, out of passion?
An often overlooked skill for any Stay At Home Model ( SAHM ) is that of not always appearing “to” float but that of appearing on a float. The beautiful people parade. They have done so for centuries and ours is not to change the course of history with our hips nor with our synchronized split-doubles. Ney, my sequestered secret super, parading is a skill like any other and should be considered with great earnest and practiced sincerely…more easily after a few drinks alone…in your mind’s gay parade who’s route passes right through your living room tonight!…thanks to an over active imagination that borders on a psychological disorder when you touch alcohol. I digess…digrest…I digresh…(hic)… oh come on! you know what I mean…
Appearing in a parade as a nameless gorgeous human is one of modeling’s most forgiving aspects with regard to one’s “semi-busted,” “sorta pretty,” or just “plain old,” face hence it is popular with SAHM’s as a favorite fantasy booking. Monet’s rejoice! It’s a long way from you to your often sun blinded audience and for once, the golden rule of transvestism applies to every fool on every float everywhere: “Keep it moving, and they’ll never notice it.”
The action at hand is waving. More precisely, waving with simultaneous extreme level ten facial modeling. There are only a few “pointers,” on waving since waving is something most people have been doing since before they could walk (on a runway) or talk (to their booker.) Keep in mind…most of us are lucky enough to have the ability to wave but please remember that somewhere in the world there is baby being born without hands. Think about it. Just bein able to model is a gift. That’s why they call it “the Present,” – wait. Cancel that. Wrong course. – May it suffice to say that when you were born, God gave you (unless you actually are that baby from somewhere in the world) a hand. Then do you know what He did? He gave you another one and by the miracle of the holy spotlight, you just had your first encore! Every parade is your chance to say thanks to Dog Backwards and to finally take your God given bow for being born. Now get on to that flatbed fantasy maker in your mind and shine…you crazy ass, drunk, think your still pretty, old delusional fool, Stay At Home Model!
Tips For Parade Modeling
- Do not wave directly to your audience. Instead focus your wave about 12″ above their heads ( see Wave Focus, or Focusing Your Wave. ) This signals your supremacy. After all, you are the one IN the parade therefore you are special, meaning better than, superior to, more whatever than. As a matter of fact, you haven’t actually told anybody this before but… this whole parade is about you. Yeah…. for realz babe!….I know!!!
- Do not stop smiling ever. The reasons for this are too obvious to be expounded upon. In an elevator? No talking. In a parade? Constant Smiling. It’s OBVIOUS, people.
- About every ten or thirteen seconds, point and simultaneously open your mouth as far as you possibly can. Hold this pose for no more than two seconds, then, back to your standard parade smile-waving ( see Systems of Smile-Waving and Wave-Smiling for Teens) There is an option to bend forward at the waist with this pose, as if you have just been punched in the gut. Again, you are suggesting superiority here, you have to bend down even to see the hundreds of nameless, worthless dweebs that have packed this street for hours just to get a look at you and your superior self. But juuuuust keeeeep smiling, and they’ll never know that they are all dead to you. Hell, you’re not even waving at them. They just think you are. You kinda love this parade thing! Afterwards you and couple other models from another float might meet up and break the law. Wanna know why? Because there IS no law for you. Not tonight, honey. Smile! Wave! Smile! OPEN MOUTH POINT! [ hahahaha!!! “If my hand was a gun I’d be so freakin’ famous by tomorrow…I swear. Pop! Pop! Pop! hahaha…You see this crown? Get on the ground! – hahaha “]
The following is a Stay At Home Models EXCLUSIVE practice recording for Parade Modeling. You may download the file HERE.
As always, please exercise caution when practicing any stay at home modeling skill – coffee table corners can kill – Remember to clear them from your imaginary runway or not really there parade route pre-practice please.
Now, lock the door and close the drapes because it’s time to hit play and play Parade Practice!
We are big believers in the power of arts and culture to support radical agendas and foster social justice. In recognizing such power, this summer we are launching Queer Power, an annual commission that supports socially committed artists whose work fosters social justice.
This inaugural commission, opening in June 2017, will feature the work of the Silence=Death Collective, adapting the famous poster used by Act Up during the AIDS Pandemic. The collective will reorganize the iconic elements of the poster and contextualize the message with language that addresses the contemporary civil rights issues faced by LGBTQ community.
Join us on June 8th for our Summer Benefit to honor the Silence=Death Collective and support the Museum.
President, Board of Directors