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By now you should be very familiar with the “strictly business” style of American Sportswear Modeling at home. You should be scrubbing all your jackets, discretely showing your linings and utilizing pockets at all times. You should be giving perfect poses to the invisible row of photographers crammed in behind your sofa. If you feel unsure of any technical elements of the technique described in Lesson One, please continue practicing and master the style before moving on to Lesson Two.
At some point in every Stay At Home Model’s career, the thought of appearing on a European runway is entertained. Thanks to the “no travel” aspect of our type of modeling, those thoughts are never realized and in the end can save a young model thousands of dollars in air fares, not to mention the added expense of pocket phrase books. Still, a fully realized S.A.H.M. should have the technical expertise to model at any show level. Believe it or not, in a month or two, if you stick to this course exactly, some of you will be mastering the very highest form of private fantasy runway modeling – The Bath Towel Haute Couture. But before you start draping your Canon bath sheets, you must triumph over your personal Europe right in your own humble little living room.
As a general rule of thumb, keep in mind this: London shows are exciting with fashion forward garments and sometimes challenging musical selections. Paris shows provide the best quality garments with quite simply the worst music in the business. Milan shows are sometimes good, but since Gianni died, it makes for a long week of trying to care about anything other than getting paid. You may want to skip Milan this year and accept a few imaginary editorial shoots in the bath tub or on the stairs.
In general The London/Paris/Milan Style ( L.P.M.S.) is more sophisticated and leaves more room for interpretation by the model. If you dare, you can show off. You are the essence of attitude. You are allowed to be African American. The elements of the style include doubles, split doubles, triples, split triples and ( if you are working for Sonya ) “all the girls out.” Don’t be afraid of those group passes, the runways are bigger there, hence moving the furniture for practice and imagined shows at home is required.
There is talent in Europe as far as hair and make-up are concerned. When you arrive in the other room before your home show, imagine talking to Orlando and Pat about how tired you are. Pretend to be mildly annoyed and half asleep. Experiment with hair pieces and odd make-ups. Make it new but keep it far away from Halloween. Your main concern during hair and make-up should be to have Orlando do you himself. Don’t settle for an assistant. (Since it is very unlikely that Orlando himself will be in your bedroom, use your super powered imagination to see him over your shoulder in the mirror.) Good hair gives a model the security he/she/herm needs to exude confidence and to put over an ice cold air of superiority.
Here is your practice track.
There is no predicting what you may hear at a show over there, so concentrate on the beat and keep in step. Do not acknowledge other girls, except during the finale. Give enough to get yourself a cute shot in The Times. Attitude. Precision. Elegance above all.
Do’s and Do Nots -
Follow it exactly.
If you feel faint in the morning, continue on the diet for another day.
You may switch to the “Brownies and Oranges Diet” when your shoes start falling off.
( Listen fatty, you know how you look.You know exactly how you look. )
You look FAT. FAT!
Fatty McFatterstein didn’t book any shows this season…awwww. Poor Fatty, even Lane Giant cancelled their hold.
Ok, see you at the Dress Barn shoot, Fatty! Oink, oink, oink…
hanks to Kurt for finding this one. If you can’t take the wait, forward to 7:30
…as Douglas said, -