By now you should be very familiar with the “strictly business” style of American Sportswear Modeling at home. You should be scrubbing all your jackets, discretely showing your linings and utilizing pockets at all times. You should be giving perfect poses to the invisible row of photographers crammed in behind your sofa. If you feel unsure of any technical elements of the technique described in Lesson One, please continue practicing and master the style before moving on to Lesson Two.
At some point in every Stay At Home Model’s career, the thought of appearing on a European runway is entertained. Thanks to the “no travel” aspect of our type of modeling, those thoughts are never realized and in the end can save a young model thousands of dollars in air fares, not to mention the added expense of pocket phrase books. Still, a fully realized S.A.H.M. should have the technical expertise to model at any show level. Believe it or not, in a month or two, if you stick to this course exactly, some of you will be mastering the very highest form of private fantasy runway modeling – The Bath Towel Haute Couture. But before you start draping your Canon bath sheets, you must triumph over your personal Europe right in your own humble little living room.
As a general rule of thumb, keep in mind this: London shows are exciting with fashion forward garments and sometimes challenging musical selections. Paris shows provide the best quality garments with quite simply the worst music in the business. Milan shows are sometimes good, but since Gianni died, it makes for a long week of trying to care about anything other than getting paid. You may want to skip Milan this year and accept a few imaginary editorial shoots in the bath tub or on the stairs.
In general The London/Paris/Milan Style ( L.P.M.S.) is more sophisticated and leaves more room for interpretation by the model. If you dare, you can show off. You are the essence of attitude. You are allowed to be African American. The elements of the style include doubles, split doubles, triples, split triples and ( if you are working for Sonya ) “all the girls out.” Don’t be afraid of those group passes, the runways are bigger there, hence moving the furniture for practice and imagined shows at home is required.
There is talent in Europe as far as hair and make-up are concerned. When you arrive in the other room before your home show, imagine talking to Orlando and Pat about how tired you are. Pretend to be mildly annoyed and half asleep. Experiment with hair pieces and odd make-ups. Make it new but keep it far away from Halloween. Your main concern during hair and make-up should be to have Orlando do you himself. Don’t settle for an assistant. (Since it is very unlikely that Orlando himself will be in your bedroom, use your super powered imagination to see him over your shoulder in the mirror.) Good hair gives a model the security he/she/herm needs to exude confidence and to put over an ice cold air of superiority.
Here is your practice track.
There is no predicting what you may hear at a show over there, so concentrate on the beat and keep in step. Do not acknowledge other girls, except during the finale. Give enough to get yourself a cute shot in The Times. Attitude. Precision. Elegance above all.
Becoming a Stay At Home Model is within the grasp of literally anyone who is willing to commit the time and energy that it takes to complete my simple course. Stay At Home Models are unique in that they are the only type of fashion model whose physical appearance is not of any concern. Literally anyone can train and become a Stay At Home Model. The experience is entirely private and need never be seen by anyone. In reality some Stay At Home Models model entirely in secret. They sell imaginary garments exclusively to their own shadows and walk endless split doubles with all of the biggest invisible girls. Some course graduates may reveal their skills to a roommate or group of friends after a few drinks. In any case, Stay At Home Models follow a simple rule : Don’t leave the house when modeling. It’s that easy.
American Sportswear Runway Modeling.
Factoid: Runway Modeling is also known as “Show” modeling.
1. Choose a comfortable ensemble of coordinated separates to begin your session. Movement is what to look for in the garments you choose to combine. Wide pants and a jacket with a defined shoulder over a blouse would be perfect. Do not wear hats or carry bags. You will be learning about those later in the International Style Runway lesson. Your shoe should be a medium or low heel excluding all mules. Your training is beginning with sportswear and your first objective should be to show the garments properly and professionally. A serious attitude toward training and mastering this “strictly business” style of modeling will improve your performance in your private living room shows that you will be walking in later. A good Stay At Home Model practices modeling, even during a pretend performance he/she is always honing his/her skills by walking with a focused concentration and entirely serious approach. The journey to becoming a successful Stay At Home Model is a constant attempt to improve your skills through mimicry and refinement. Train hard, train often and never settle for anything less that a perfect pass and you will reap the imaginary rewards of this stylish and very gay but delusional endeavor.
This is your training music:
Get familiar with the sound. Feel how smooth and boring it is. You may smile and in fact you should appear content when modeling American Sportswear.
The voice in your head is saying :
“I’m getting paid to do this because this is my job.”
“I’m moving slowly to let the buyers see the details.”
” I see no one else…at all…in this entire tent.”
“I just showed you the lining and you didn’t even realize that it was intentional.”
“I’m doing seven other shows today.”
If there is a pocket, use it.
Capes, coats and jackets are to be scrubbed off the back. No exceptions.
No touching other models (even in a triple) and, as always, show all the garments.
Your American Sportswear Runway Model To Mimic is Dianne Dewitt.
The pre-presentation hub-bub was great. An introductory video included a nod to Fibonacci and The Golden Ratio (but wasn’t it Pythagoras or Euclid?) No matter, I love a bit of Barnum bravura. It worked.
Michael introduced his collaborator, Francis Bitoni. The soundtrack to the action of the event (which was Dita turning around) was Barbra Streisand’s version of Life On Mars. BIG THUMBS UP FROM BEYOND (That’s from the only album she says she wished she never made – imagine?)
A flash frenzy ensued. Twitter blew up and reportedly, apps around the world froze for a minute as Dita smiled. Thank you and good night.
“Ladies and Gentlemen, The World’s First Fully Articulated 3-D Gown has left the basement,” and thus history was made.